Gormless
by Curtis Wildcat
Summary: EG-verse. Warning: contains self-insertion, OCs, and idiots. Perspective is a funny thing. We know what Canterlot High is like for those that are smart and capable. What is it like for someone who is neither? And how would he fare during a time when Sunset Shimmer rules the place in all but name? Set one year prior to the events of the movies.
1. Ch 1: Red Vs Blue

Eaten breakfast: check.

Duffel bag with necessary supplies: check.

Fully dressed and ready to leave: check.

...

Bottle of soda pop from the refrigerator: check.

I told my parents good-bye and stepped out the front door towards my destiny.

...

Hi, guys. My name's Puma Claw, and I had just left to start my first day at Canterlot High School.

/-/-/

Life at CHS was something that I'd previously only read about in my older brothers' Yearbooks. I used to flip through them and look at pictures of people that I would never meet, of teachers that my siblings used to talk about (and sometimes make fun of). I'd look at the "Senior Will and Testament" that was printed, describing what students would leave behind to the underclassmen (whether for real or in jest, I never knew). I wondered at times what things were like, what spawned the comments of those who left their autographs at the back of the book. I distinctly remember one such comment that suggested that their Government teacher let them play "Risk" in class on occasion.

As I walked the mile and a quarter that rested between my house and the school, I found myself dreading it. According to one of my older sisters, the last one of our family to have graduated from there before me, she'd found the environment very welcoming. The Principal and Vice-Principal did their best to help the students where possible, and the upperclassmen had supposedly mellowed out a little from their junior high years. Nonetheless, my time in school from kindergarten through the 8th grade had been anything but welcoming, so I didn't believe that things would be any different.

Surprisingly, things went pretty well my first day for the most part (discounting a minor incident where I misread my schedule and ended up in gym when I should have been in Algebra, but that's neither here nor there). For whatever reason, I didn't see the nuisance that had plagued me during my time in junior high; you'd think a kid with lemon yellow skin and magenta hair would have been easy to spot. In any case, I wasn't about to argue.

Though I didn't know it at the time, I was about to gain another nuisance in my life.

/-/-/

You've got plenty of computer languages floating around. Java, Python, C++, Cobol, RPG, just to name a few (and to you gamers out there, that last one isn't what you're thinking of). Thing is, learning computer programming is like learning music: before you start playing Beethoven's 'Fur Elise', you've first got to learn which note gets played where. And for learning which piece of code goes where, there's no better starting point than Visual Basic. Early on I was interested in programming, so when I found out that CHS offered a class for it I decided it was a good place to begin.

My 5th hour programming class was a mix of students from all four grade levels, but for the time being I'm only going to focus on two of said students. One of them was sitting in a far corner of the classroom near a window when I got to class, staring at a computer screen dejectedly and looking as if she'd been crying recently. She cringed when I took the seat next to hers, but over time she relaxed when it became apparent that I was more interested in trying out the typing program that someone in the previous class had left open than in talking to her. Were I anyone else, her attitude would have struck me as off.

(I would find out later during roll call that her name was Fluttershy, and that her reason for taking a programming course was purely magnanimous: she volunteered her time at an animal shelter, and the computers used there occasionally had issues with their programs and data. It was her hope that someday she could understand computers well enough to help operations there run more smoothly, hence her desire to take several related courses. In her opinion, every minute saved through efficiency could be spent helping animals find decent homes or otherwise caring for them.)

The other person-who, in my opinion, was dressed rather tastelessly-looked like she intended to sit in the back row as well. She stopped when she saw me, scowled and shook her head, then took a seat at the computer in the row in front of us. I just shrugged and continued typing; she hadn't said or done anything yet, so I didn't react to her presence. At least, not yet.

There was a flash of green out the corner of my eye, but I chalked it up to an artificial plant and continued typing.

/-/-/

Sunset Shimmer started the day in a foul mood.

It was bad enough that she was never much of a morning person. She wasn't the type to wake up bright and cheery, as if life itself shone down on her with a wondrous radiance. No, she would much rather tell mornings to take a long walk off a short pier and leave her alone. Belatedly, she remembered an old comic she'd seen once about an obese housecat who threatened his sunrise-watching owner with violence just for waking him up before dawn.

It quickly got much worse, though, when her brain forced her eyes out of Sleep Mode and she saw the calendar pinned to a wall, with a very specific date circled in red. She didn't think she'd ever gotten ready and arrived to her classes so quickly even as a young filly, but a soft growling reminded her that it came at the cost of breakfast.

 _Thank small mercies for half-days. As soon as classes are over, I'm going home and getting some food, not that ridiculous stuff stashed in the vending machine. The idea of a croissant egg-sausage-cheese sandwich never sounded so good, microwaved or not._

She barely remembered to direct a smile at Flash Sentry as he walked past her in the hallway on the way to his own classes, then she resumed glaring at everyone and everything. A few freshmen she passed in the hallway recoiled and backed away when they saw her, clearly not wanting to mess with her. _And if that's not enough, whenever I walk past the statue, I'm reminded that Celestia chose another student behind my back. I don't know whether she took her in when she began thinking she wasn't getting anywhere with me or not, and I don't care; just the thought of it burns me._

Steaming like an unattended crockpot, Sunset marched into the computer room. Sneering a little when she saw Fluttershy in the corner, she decided to take her temper out on her and made a beeline for the back row... only to find that someone beat her there.

The student sitting there in her intended seat, his fingers flying across the keyboard, was obviously a freshman. He had gray skin a shade darker than Derpy Hooves', short brown hair in a crew cut, with a blue shirt and jeans, and he looked like he'd been hitting the snacks harder than Babe Ruth ever hit baseballs. A set of stylized, criss-crossing yellow claw marks-his cutie mark, had he been born a pony-were sewn into both shoulders of his shirt. His gaze flicked up to her as she frowned in displeasure and took a different seat, then he shrugged and continued minding his own business.

 _Another time, then. Fluttershy will keep for now... bell's about to ring._

She had just enough time before the bell rang to wonder when this particular classroom had gained an artificial plant.

...

...

It wasn't the first time that Wallflower Blush had accidentally slipped beneath everyone's notice, and it wouldn't be the last.

/-/-/

I've never been a good judge of people. Probably never will, either.

I heard the name "Sunset Shimmer" for the first time when the teacher was handling the roll-call. Most of the names would probably sound strange wherever you're from, but for me it was just another one out of sixteen, maybe seventeen students. Besides, what's in a name? A miserable little pile of secrets?

...Okay, that one was bad. Sorry.

Anyway, as the teacher gave her introductory speech and talked a little about herself, I kept giving curious looks over to Fluttershy. She was seated at an angle where that flame-haired girl was in her line of sight, so as she was paying attention to the teacher she kept cringing whenever her eyes drifted in Sunset's direction. I didn't understand what the deal was, but as I didn't want to interrupt the class solely to bring it up with her, I just kept quiet.

Closer to the end of class, when most of the students were either chatting, playing Solitaire or the like, the teacher approached me with a friendly smile. "Excuse me, Puma Claw?" she asked. "Do you have an older sister named 'Cougar Claw'?"

I heard one of my classmates snicker at this, but I didn't get why. "Yes," I confirmed. "How come?"

"Could you tell her that Jacqueline Trades says hello?" the teacher requested. "We were classmates here at CHS back in the day."

Huh. That's neat. "Sure," I agreed with a nod and a thin smile, returning my attention to my typing.

...

...

That laughter I heard while I was talking to the teacher continued to bug me, though. Just after the bell rang and I'd gathered my things together, I turned to ask a person who didn't look like she'd be inclined to tease me about it-which happened to be the girl most bothered by Sunset's presence. "Excuse me, but do you know why that kid was laughing when he heard my sister's name?" I asked her.

/-/-/-/-/-/

As Sunset went to her next class, she kept up a conversation with one of her lackeys. She didn't know why Snips had any sort of interest in computing, and she wasn't sure that she wanted to know. "I'm not getting the joke," she was saying. "Whoever his sister is, the name's not that funny."

/-/-/-/-/-/

Fluttershy recoiled and shrunk in on herself a little when Puma spoke to her, but straightened when she realized the source of his confusion. "Um... you don't happen to like cats, do you?"

/-/-/-/-/-/

"You seriously don't know what a 'cougar' is?" Snips laughed, catching himself when Sunset directed a frown at him. "...What is your opinion of cats, anyway?"

/-/-/-/-/-/

"I think they're cool. Why?"

/-/-/-/-/-/

"About the same as any other animal, Snips. Why?"

/-/-/-/-/-/

"...I realize this sounds strange, but a 'cougar'..."

/-/-/-/-/-/

"Then you won't be too offended. A 'cougar'..."

/-/-/-/-/-/

 _"...is an older woman who wants to have sex with a younger man."_

/-/-/-/-/-/

"..."

According to what I was told later, my face was somewhere in the vicinity of "stricken". I opened my mouth a few times and tried to give some sort of reply, but my brain wasn't cooperating.

Fluttershy closed her eyes for a moment and sighed. "Sorry if it's a shock," she murmured as she turned and left.

I allotted my brain one more chance to boot up, then gave up and shook my head. "This is going to be an interesting year," I growled to myself as I followed Fluttershy's lead.

/-/-/-/-/-/

"...You're making that up," Sunset deadpanned.

"I'm telling you, that's the real definition!" Snips protested. "Look it up!"

Sunset shivered as she tried-and failed-to keep certain mental images out of her head. _If someone created and patented brain bleach, I'd buy stock in the company._ "Ridiculous topics aside, you and Snails just keep doing what you've been doing," she uttered in a quieter tone. "Keep a discreet eye on things and let me know if anyone gets too uppity."

"No problem!" Snips reassured her before breaking away towards his next class, whatever it was.

Sunset looked ahead, smiling softly. Those who saw her kept their eyes on their own business to keep from drawing her attention. _Much as I'm looking forward to leaving this place for good next year, I think part of me's going to miss this routine._ "This is going to be an interesting year," she said to herself, her voice somewhere between a hiss and a whisper.

/-/-/-/-/-/

 ** _"Let the good times roll."_**

 _/-CHAPTER END-/_

...

 **Author's Notes:**

This story is a personal experiment. How would I, not as a teenager with the mind of an adult but as a teenager with the mind of a teenager handle life at Canterlot High? This would mean taking a complete look at myself and thinking back to how I handled events as an adolescent, with all the flaws, stupidity and simple-mindedness that entailed. For better or worse I saw life differently from most of my peers, and it wasn't until after I'd grown up that I finally understood why.

To put it another way: this isn't your standard self-insertion, and I hope with everything I have that the protagonist doesn't get misconstrued as a Mary Sue (or close equivalent). This isn't the story of a guy who becomes best friends with one of the main characters thanks to wish fulfillment, or possesses a unique ability of some kind that gets him in everyone's good books, or punches out a would-be villain and scribbles "I was beaten by a bunch of kids" on the back of his neck. No. It's the story of an idiotic fat kid who enters life at CHS at the worst possible time: when Sunset Shimmer's reign over the school is at its peak.

So, yeah: if my character seems rather dense and lacking in knowledge, it's for a good reason: this is how I used to be, and to some extent still am. Enjoy, everyone. ^_^

/-/

 _Differences_

My own reaction to finding out what 'cougar' meant was much different from that of Puma's. When I first discovered it some years ago, I was heavily-albeit inwardly-offended, and for good reason: the high school I went to used a cougar (as in the cat) as its mascot, and I had difficulty reconciling the different meanings of the word. In Puma's case, I didn't think it was likely that any of the schools he went to used a cat of any kind for a mascot, never mind Canterlot High; in addition he's about eleven or so years younger than I had been, meaning he's less mature, world-wise and cynical. Thus his reaction would've been more stunned than truly upset or mad.


	2. Ch 2: Out of the Loop

It wasn't so clear to me then, but I was always one of the class misfits. Not an outcast, really, but closer to someone who didn't go out of his way to make any friends. I was one of those who didn't fit into any particular mold. Happily, there were others I knew in that same category.

Oak Branch was one such person. He had the visual trappings of a nerd-below average weight, slightly pronounced front teeth, et cetera-but little of the mental makeup, at least not to me. We didn't get along well when we first met, but time and an argument over whether _Star Trek's_ technology was better than that of _Star Wars_ or not changed that. I only wish I was kidding about that last one.

(He also had a rather distinct advantage over a fourth of the people in the school, but I'll bring that up at a later time. It's not important right now anyhow.)

It had been almost a week since classes had started, and we'd gotten used to our schedules by then. Sadly, the lemon-skinned and magenta-haired nuisance I'd been dreading did turn up in school the second day, having been out sick during the first one. I'd really hoped that he'd moved away somewhere, but no such chance. He gave me the occasional glare or amused smirk when we passed in the hallway, and I tried my best to ignore him. About the only saving grace was that 2nd-hour gym was the only class he had with me.

And of course, there were plenty of other oddities to talk about. "...so I get to school, open up my locker, and someone jumps out of it," Oak was telling me at lunch. "She was babbling about wanting to know when my birthday was so that she'd know exactly when to throw the party for it."

One of the other people at our table, a guy of Vietnamese descent with a sarcastic streak a mile wide, looked as confused as all get out. "How'd she even get into your locker in the first place? Did she steal your combination or something?"

"I think I know who you're talking about, Rice," said a fourth, a slightly well-rounded guy who was more knowledgeable about stuff than myself. His name was 'Melodic Farms', but he was quick to tell us that he had nothing to do with the farmland outside of town. "She's known for always doing crazy stuff like that."

"Crazy enough to get into the classroom through the ceiling?" Rice asked, shrugging at our confused expressions. "Yeah, that's a thing. She said that she misplaced a balloon packet past the tiles. Seriously, what?"

Oak swallowed the mouthful of hamburger he was eating. "It bugs me. She's a junior now, which means she would have been in 8th grade when we were starting middle school. Did we just not see her there, or what?"

"Maybe she wasn't always so crazy?" asked Lieutenant Tenant, a nice-looking kid with neatly combed black hair. His speech and mannerisms seemed a bit awkward, for reasons it took me years to figure out.

The table was silent as everyone focused on their lunches. In the meantime, someone had a high-pitched sneezing fit in the background. "...Yeah, not likely," we finally agreed.

"I have a question of my own," I brought up now that whatever lunatic they were talking about was no longer a topic. "What's the difference between the Fall Formal and Homecoming? I'm kinda confused."

Oak opened his mouth to speak, but someone else beat him to it. "I can answer that."

As one, everyone at the table turned to see who had spoken. We hadn't been at CHS long, and already we knew who he was: Flash Sentry, one of the most well-known and most often seen faces among the upperclassmen. I wasn't acquainted with him, but I had a vague remembrance of seeing him in the halls quite a lot back in middle school. "The Fall Formal is just this massive in-school party held after classes, with no involvement outside the students and school staff. Towards the end of it, the girl voted for by the majority of students is crowned as the Formal's princess, with no grade limitations."

"What about Homecoming?" asked the final member of our group. He was more a friend of Oak's than of mine and also spoke the least, but I got the impression that he was a lot smarter than he seemed to be. He'd never given a family name, just telling me to call him 'Solvent' when we first met.

"That's more a series of public events than a single private one," Flash explained, looking around the cafeteria as if trying to find someone. "Aside from a weekend dance, there's also a parade and a football game held earlier in the day... your classmates are probably working on the floats already. The person crowned as Homecoming Queen is selected from the senior class." He gave us a wave. "Sorry to cut and run, but I need to catch up to Sunset Shimmer before she leaves me behind."

Most of us waved him off, with Rice being the one to thank him. "No problem, man. Nice meeting you."

I frowned as Flash jogged out of earshot. "Sunset Shimmer, huh?" I said to myself.

"What's up with you, Puma?"

"I don't like her," I told Rice plainly. "There's something about her that rubs me the wrong way."

"What's wrong with her?" Farms asked. "She seems nice enough if you ignore what that Snails guy told us. I'm thinking about voting for her for the Formal."

"I don't know," I said, trying and failing to think of a good reason. "I just don't know. I listen to her speak in class. She hasn't bullied me or anything like Dallas Austin has been doing. But I still can't help but think something's wrong."

Oak gave the rest of the table a quick look. "Want to talk about it, or shall we just get into 'the game'?"

Most of us gave affirmatives in favor of said game, myself among them: I never did like thinking about stuff that made me upset. From then up until the back-to-class bell rang, our time was spent acting out roles in a galaxy where reality had no hold on us, letting us forget the drudgeries of life even if it was for only a few minutes.

/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/

With a smile, Sunset concluded that word had gotten around quickly about who she was. She liked that.

In the time since class started, the entire freshman class had become wary of her. Aside from Snips and Snails spreading rumors, a handful of her prior victims had stepped forward to warn off anyone who got wrong ideas, unknowingly doing their work for them. It was going to make winning this year's Fall Formal a bit tricky, but it was nothing she couldn't pull off. She'd managed it twice already, after all.

Respected, and to a certain extent even feared. As long as she played nice in front of the Principal and Vice-Principal, she was untouchable. _Yeah, I'm definitely going to miss this routine when I'm gone._

Fifth-hour programming class had come and gone. The teacher, Mrs. Trades-more commonly referred to as "Mrs. Jack of all Trades"-tried her best for sure, but with today's material more or less figured out Sunset had found her thoughts wandering. Her eyes lit upon Puma Claw as the teacher called on him to answer a question. _Well, it would be more accurate to say that_ almost _the entire freshman class was wary of me._

Sunset had gotten pretty good at reading people, and for the most part Puma read like an open book. Somewhat slow on the uptake, with a bit of a temper lurking beneath the surface: she'd overheard his responses to several kids who were making fun of him. Unless prodded by the teacher, many of his responses to others (that she knew of) came in the form of short, clipped sentences. On the whole he was a dim bulb, with a few flickering flashes of illumination that were just as quickly extinguished.

 _On the other hand, he clearly knows of my reputation by now... but for some reason, it doesn't look like he cares. Whenever I say something to draw attention to myself, he either shrugs or looks like he has his head in the clouds. Which leads me to wonder: should I put the fear of me into him, or just wait and see how things play out?_

 _The first one is a bit on the risky side. He looks like he's one bad day away from just hauling off and decking someone, suspension or not. I could take him if he got mad enough to do that, but there's still the matter of getting away with it without any eyewitnesses, leaving him with just his word against mine. The second one is a mixed bag: if he already knows about me and just isn't inclined to do anything about it, that would seem to indicate that he already respects what I can do and isn't inclined to give me any grief over it... but I'd be left without the satisfaction of knowing that he's aware of who's in charge._

 _..._

 _Eh, I'll go with the second option. A single ambiguous student of that type doesn't feel like it would be worth the time and effort._

 _Now,_ Fluttershy _on the other hand..._

"Hey, queen bee," someone behind her said. "You going to buy something, or not?"

It was at that moment that Sunset was thankful that she was standing in front of the vending machine the entire time, or else anyone around her would've been wondered why she was grinning for no good reason.

/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/

Free periods. They were something that the middle school lacked, and I was thankful for them.

Technically, the students were to be at school for roughly seven hours. However, only six classes per student were scheduled: the remaining time was set aside for the students to do things like finish homework, socialize somewhere on campus as long as they didn't disturb any classes in session, hang out or read at the library, do any work associated with their clubs or setting up school events... things of that nature.

My own free period was scheduled for sixth hour, and as I got used to it I knew where I wanted to spend it. I sure wasn't going to spend it on homework as long as there were people waiting to disturb my peace. Neither did I intend to spend it with anyone: aside from the fact that none of my friendlier classmates shared the same free period, I wasn't a people person by any stretch of the imagination. Thus, my destination every day was the gymnasium.

The gym was mostly empty by that hour. CHS's freshmen were the only ones who were required to take classes there during the day, and the entire 9th grade had already passed through by the time lunch rolled around. With the exception of a few upperclassmen whose time coincided with mine (and who were generally more inclined to mind their own business), I usually had the gym to myself.

I always spent the time shooting baskets. Basketball was the sport I preferred, but I was never truly great at it. Shooting 3-pointers and being able to steal the ball is all well and good, but that by itself doesn't mean the player is _talented._ Still, it was something to do, and it was nice to be able to play it in light of our family's own backboard being devoid of a rim to shoot through.

One day not long before the Fall Formal, I'd just stopped at the free-throw line to shoot when I heard something I'd recognize anywhere: the squeaky call of a kitten. My shot clanged off the rim, and the ball bounced off somewhere to the left.

I didn't care. I'd heard a kitten somewhere, and I was going to find it. Assuming it wasn't inclined to rip my hands apart with its tiny little dagger claws, I was going to pet it, too.

I was able to locate it after a bit of searching, and in hindsight I should've expected what it was up to. Hidden near the bleachers at the back of the gym was Fluttershy, trying her best to make herself invisible. Not helping her out was the little orange kitten in her hands-probably not more than two months old-mewing repeatedly and trying to paw her face as if trying to console her about something.

It was easy to understand why one could make that assumption. Fluttershy had been quieter than usual during programming class, her voice a near whisper both times the teacher had called on her. If her downcast face and weary appearance when I saw her in the gym were any indication, she seemed to have undergone a lot of stress recently.

I didn't know how to handle any of that stuff, though. I didn't know why she seemed sad, only that she was. And in any event, my attention was drawn more towards the kitten; even as distressed as she was, there was no way Fluttershy could have missed that. Hesitantly, she held the kitten out towards me and allowed me to skritch it behind the ears, something that the little critter enjoyed.

By the time I was able to force myself away from the kitten and go back to my practicing a few minutes later, I was smiling broadly. For that matter so was Fluttershy, albeit nowhere close to the same extent: she'd been concerned that I was going to tell one of the teachers or whoever that she'd been smuggling animals into school, but I didn't feel like it was worth the effort. Besides, people who liked cats couldn't be bad, right?

It wasn't until two days later that I would understand just how much Fluttershy needed something to go right for her, and why she appreciated my casual acceptance of her odd habits.

/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/

The day that things began to change for me had passed by like any other: went to classes, dealt with the incessant mockery of my peers, had a gaming session during lunch, basketball during free period, the usual stuff. Following my final class, I stopped at my locker just long enough to lighten my duffel bag's load for the walk home. Since Dallas Austin was most likely waiting at the front door to hassle me, I'd opted to head for one of the other exits. Last thing I needed was him trying to taunt me into punching him.

"...Why do you even bother?"

I'd just reached my chosen exit when I heard Sunset's voice in an adjoining hallway. It wasn't my business what she did with her time, so I was inclined to keep on going.

At least until I heard the whine of a small dog. I stopped with my hand a few inches from the door, listening carefully.

"Look, Fluttershee," Sunset was saying harshly, purposefully bungling the other girl's name. "You've been told this time and time again. You're not supposed to bring in every stray animal you see off the streets."

"But-"

"Seriously, I shouldn't have to spell this out for you. No one wants to spend time with you, I get that, but is this strange obsession of yours really so bad that you have to violate school policies just for companionship? I bet he hasn't even had all of his shots!"

"But she's-"

Sunset raised an index finger, cutting her off. "Not another word. I don't want to hear it, and I can't think of a single person who does. When you leave, take the dog with you and don't come back with him tomorrow. That okay with you, wallflower? Huh?"

With that, the sun set on a darkened mood as the flame-haired teenager stormed off down the hall. Fluttershy stared at Sunset as she left, looked down at the dachshund in her arms, sighed and murmured something apologetically to it before slowly walking towards me. Her eyes were part-way closed and shimmering as she passed me, exiting out the door I was about to take.

So were the dachshund's, but I was sure that was coincidence.

I forced out the breath I was holding and tried to keep myself from yelling in anger. Eventually I was able to force my fury back down into my gut, at the price of a slight feeling of nausea. "I am seriously starting to dislike the queen bee," I growled.

"Me, too," said a student who had stopped next to me while the confrontation was taking place. "Wallflower's my name, not Fluttershy's."

My double-take at her presence would have been funny if the situation hadn't been so serious.


	3. Ch 3: Bullseye Acquired

It's two days before the Fall Formal, and I have some observations to make regarding the trends at CHS. First off, it's my belief that-if one of our family friends was right-the dress code has gotten remarkably lax.

See, here's the thing. When said family friend was attending CHS in the late 1990s, there was this little test that the principal at the time would have kids do: he would have them level their shoulders and let their arms and hands hang down, and if their skirts or shorts (depending on gender) ended above their fingertips, they would be sent home to change. And before you ask, they couldn't cheat by raising their shoulders either.

I'm pretty sure that at least 10% of the students that I saw wandering the halls would've failed that test, Sunset Shimmer among them. Either that or people's arms are getting shorter, I'm not sure which. I mean, it's like when they get mad and place their hands on their hips when talking to someone, bending their elbows, then they straighten their arms and they're inexplicably the same length either way. That has to be one serious optical illusion they're pulling off there.

...Hold on a second, I forgot what I was talking about. ...Oh, right. Trends. Sorry.

Secondly, I have to wonder: since when did knee-high boots become the latest fashion? They're _everywhere._ I realize that a lot of people don't agree with me on this, but I just don't see the appeal. Give me a good set of sneakers any day.

Third and last, we have Flash Sentry. As you already know, he's an item with Sunset (a discounted item, mind you, but still an item). He's easily one of the most popular guys in the school, if not _the_ most popular, but I found out at the same time there's a lot of kids who wish that his parents found work out of the state and moved away, solely because they believe he's responsible for standing in the way of their own romantic opinions.

I don't understand the fuss any more than I can understand algebra. Flash's never interacted with me, but that also means he's never made fun of me. I don't know him or what his personality is really like, and that means that I'm not qualified to judge him; the problem with speculations is that they tend to be wrong more often than not, and if there's anything I hate more than insults, it's needing to admit that I've made a mistake.

What's any of this got to do with trends? Well, it's always been a trend to jump to conclusions without getting all the facts first, right?

There _is_ something that I don't need speculations to confirm, however: the fact that Flash's dating a jerk. How do I know that Sunset's a jerk?

 _I heard her insulting Fluttershy numerous times. High, loud,_ _ **and repeatedly.**_

Just the thought of it was making me sick to my stomach. One of the few people in my classes that actually seemed honest-to-goodness _nice,_ and cared about cats (among other animals, of course) more than I did, getting yelled at because someone her age felt she ought to know her place? Why wasn't the school staff doing anything about this? Wasn't this part of their job description?

If I ever cared that Sunset was the queen bee, that was well and truly gone. I needed to find some way to get back at her without my parents or the school's administration finding out. Or for that matter, any of those directly involved.

And that meant doing some off-campus brainstorming.

...

Seriously, Sunset. "Fluttershee"? Sounds like something a computer would say.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

While my parents were busy playing Scrabble that evening, I got into contact with Oak via an Instant Message service to see if he'd gleaned anything from the short time they'd been in CHS. Once I asked him what I needed, he responded with what I thought was a fairly amusing question.

...

 **CidHW7:** _Puma, are you drunk?_

 **CritterCat:** _Oak, work with me here. Have you heard anything about how well Sunset Shimmer and Flash Sentry get along since classes started?_

There was a pause at this point. I wasn't sure whether it was because Oak was trying to sift through his memories, or if he was wondering if my mind had wandered and just hadn't returned.

 **CidHW7:** _No, I haven't. Why?_

 **CritterCat:** _Do you know of a girl at school named "Fluttershy"?_

 **CidHW7:** _She's in one of my classes. Don't know her, though, but she seems nice._

 **CritterCat:** _I think Sunset's been traumatizing her._

 **CidHW7:** _...Puma, do you even know what that word means?_

I was irritated at this. Just because I wasn't as bright as everyone else didn't mean I was a tried-and-true moron. My dad made sure I knew how to read before I ever started elementary school; learning the alphabet in kindergarten was just a formality. I may not have understood larger words at first, but the ability to get the gist of what they meant over time via context allowed me to read stuff above my grade level.

So, yeah: I knew full well what the word meant. Though for the sake of not derailing the conversation, I didn't mention any of this to Oak.

 **CritterCat:** _More of a gut feeling than anything else._

 **CidHW7:** _Figures._

 **CritterCat:** _Oak, I've been mocked and teased most of my life._

 **CritterCat:** _I know what it's like to have a bad time, and she's been having it worse than me._

It was at this point that Oak tried to talk me out of doing something stupid. I was operating on pure heart instead of brainpower, though, and I refused to have any of it.

 **CidHW7:** _Maybe so, but is it any of your business what Sunset does?_

 **CritterCat:** _Nope._

 **CidHW7:** _You realize this could get you in serious trouble._

 **CritterCat:** _'Will', not 'could'._

 **CidHW7:** _And given what we know about her, she's never going to give you a moment's peace again._

 **CritterCat:** _Doubtlessly._

 **CidHW7:** _...Curse your morality, Puma._

 **CritterCat:** ^_^

 **CidHW7:** _Alright, fine. I'll see what I can find out without alerting her._

And it was with those words that my year-long downward spiral began.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

It wouldn't be until lunch the day of the Fall Formal that Oak was able to get back to me with his findings. In the meantime, life at the school continued on as normal.

While on my way into the school that morning, I overheard several loud voices-and then two of my classmates ran into the atrium at full speed. Dallas Austin was carrying a bag of something in his hand, laughing and keeping them out of reach of his pursuer: the odd-eyed blonde of many names, most commonly known as Derpy Hooves. The latter was trying her best to get the bag back, sure, but her best efforts kept falling a foot short.

Several students I wasn't familiar with yet saw their arrival and made to chase after Dallas, forcing him to change course... directly towards me. He saw me at the last moment and tried to go evasive, but I was able to reach out and rip the bag from his hands before he could get away.

"Hey, give that back!" Dallas protested, turning towards me. "That's mi- **OOF!"**

That was all he was able to say before the students who'd decided to chase him managed to dogpile him. I was never inclined to believe him, considering that Derpy was positively ecstatic when I handed the bag over to her (that, and there was a variety pack of muffins from Sugarcube Corner inside). I liked to think that I trusted someone who'd yet to bother me over a nuisance who'd been bullying me since the 6th grade.

Vice-Principal Luna turned up shortly thereafter to straighten out the situation. Dallas tried again to protest and say that _we_ had taken _his_ snacks, but a look directed at me and Derpy was all she needed to know that Dallas was lying through his teeth. Once things were resolved she commended the other students for helping catch him (and subsequently telling them not to disturb the rest of the school in the same breath), gave her thanks to me for my own small role, then carted Dallas off to her office.

Sheesh. Where _was_ she when Fluttershy was being antagonized? She didn't mess around with Dallas at all.

...

"Excuse me, Puma Claw?"

 _...Huh. Must have zoned out there._ "Yeah, Derpy?"

"Thanks for helping get my snacks back."

I shrugged uncomfortably. "You're welcome."

She smiled and held one out to me. "Muffin?"

"Cool. Thank you."

...

I never gave that event a lot of thought after that. For that matter, I didn't think there was anything wrong with Derpy, either. I wasn't about to complain any regarding her eyesight, as my dad had similar vision problems. She seemed to do all right, occasional fits of klutziness notwithstanding. She got a few odd looks from some who didn't know her, but on the whole I couldn't see anyone having any serious problems interacting with her.

And the one person who _did_ have a problem got hip-checked halfway across the room. And no, that was not an exaggeration. I doubt Derpy was even aware of what she did. Why hasn't _she_ tried out for the girls' varsity basketball team?

/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/

That turned out to be the only positive thing that happened to me that day. When Oak and I next met up during 4th-hour English, he talked to me in low tones in order to relay what he was able to find:

"Nothing."

I frowned, disheartened. "Really?"

"Sorry, Puma, but afraid so. There's no way for me to find out about their relationship in detail except to ask one of them directly. I tried asking that skinny flunky of hers about what things were like, but he just said it was none of his business. Or mine. So I just dropped the subject."

I glared at my desk, visibly disappointed. Oak continued speaking. "You ever thought about going to the Principal with any of this?"

"And have Sunset find out about what I was trying to do? No, thanks," I told him. "I'll just have to figure something else out."

"Like what?"

I shrugged. "I dunno."

Oak smiled. "Well, whatever. Can't say we didn't try, right?"

"I suppose..."

/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/

I stopped at the restroom on my way to lunch to take care of business and wash my hands. I was irritated as all get out, not just at Oak's failure but also at my inability to give Fluttershy a much-needed break. "I try to do something nice for people, I really do," I grumbled to no one except the figments of my imagination, finishing up at one of the sinks. "Fluttershy's a cool person. No one who likes cats could be anything else. Why does that pyro-haired _jerk and a half_ have to be a ginormous queen _**bee**_ about it all?"

There was no reply. That was okay, since I didn't really expect there to be one. Good thing, since when I put emphasis on 'bee' I was referring to something that my parents had told me to never say in polite company, and I didn't want anyone to chew me out over it. "Calm down, Puma Claw. Calm down," I hissed to my reflection in the mirror. "Don't lose your temper. Come on. You're better than this. It's just another day in the life."

I hurried out of the restroom and hustled off to lunch. The bologna-and-cheese sandwich in my bag wasn't going to wait any longer, and it was my experience that eating was a perfectly good solution to anger anyway.

...Look, I already know I'm overweight. Telling me that I get angry too much isn't helping things.

/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/

Flash Sentry was waiting for Sunset when she got out of her Visual Basic class. "Hey, Sunset," he greeted her. "Got a minute?"

Sunset looked at Flash, unsure as to what was happening. "Ye-e-eah," she said hesitantly, drawing out her speech a little at how mad he seemed to be. _Those friendly words of his don't go well with that expression._ "What do you need?"

"Nothing much," Flash replied, his words jovial even't if his face and tone weren't. "Just that I heard a little cat say something interesting today."

Sunset chuckled. "A 'little cat', huh? Seriously? ...Okay, Flash, I'll bite. What did it tell you?"

"He didn't tell _me_ anything," Flash said. "I don't think he even knew I was there. As for what he _said,_ he suggested you've been regressing."

 _...I don't like the direction this is heading._ "Regressing, _how?"_

"I think you already know. Listen carefully." The last bit of friendliness left Flash's demeanor, and his next two words hit Sunset as bluntly as a dodgeball. "We're finished."

 _ **...WHAT?!**_ "Flash, what are you talking about?" Sunset protested. "I haven't even _done_ anything! Would you let me expla-"

"What that little cat said," Flash interrupted her sharply, "was that you were harassing that Fluttershy girl. I don't know the circumstances surrounding you, and I admit I haven't been very observant, but I'm not dumb. I've been giving you the benefit of a doubt even with all those rumors around you because I believed you had _some_ good qualities, but now that I've had those rumors confirmed, I've figured out that it's just been me blinding myself. So as of now, this band has broken up."

Open fury warred with the small part of Sunset that still believed Flash was worth being around. She tried to salvage this situation and reassure him that she was still on the level, but before she could get a working sentence out of her mouth she was overridden again. "If you're wanting me to forgive you for this, forget it. I gave you a second chance when we first started hanging out. Now I find out that you're bullying your classmates behind my back again? No. Absolutely not. We are done, Sunset Shimmer. Do you hear me? _Done!"_

With that Flash turned and left, leaving a small group of students staring in surprise and Sunset herself in slack-jawed disbelief. The source of her complaints was long gone towards the gym for his free period, completely unaware of what his frustrated exclamations earlier that day had led to.

 _What... just happened? Did that just...?_

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

During her final class for the day, Sunset was still trying to come to grips with the fact that her stepladder towards school-wide influence had been taken away from her. Most of her time had been spent staring sternly at nothing, trying to convince herself that what she'd just experienced was some sort of bad dream. The one time the teacher called on her, she'd only answered due to being completely on autopilot.

Her eyes narrowed as she reached a series of conclusions. _I don't need Flash Sentry's help anymore. As far as my influence among my peers is concerned, I'm already at the top of the heap... though now it's become a matter of_ staying _there. My position is tenuous, so I'll have to work hard and make sure that I can't be dislodged before it comes time to make my move._

 _Of all the times for him to stop being so nice..._

 _Anyway, I ought to start by making sure that 'little cat' gets a piece of my mind. Thanks to the data I've collected since the school year began, I know that there's only two people in this school whose names are related to cats in any way. One of them's a senior on the cheerleading squad, but Flash distinctly said that the 'little cat' was male. And last I checked, the cheerleaders didn't have any guys among them. (And that was a mental image I really didn't need. Thanks, me.)_

 _Which leaves only one person._

The final bell rang, dismissing the school at large. As everyone left, talking excitedly about the evening's upcoming event, Sunset's eyes lit upon one of her classmates. The subject of her attention was still in her seat, happily chewing a blueberry muffin until a passing classmate nudged her to attention. Smiling sheepishly, she grabbed her things and got up to leave, almost knocking over her chair in the process.

Sunset shook her head and forced herself to ignore her. It was an unwritten rule among her classmates that _under no circumstances_ was anyone to antagonize Derpy Hooves in any way, shape or form, and Sunset had nearly found this out the hard way. At some point after she'd started to assert herself as CHS's "queen", a series of mishaps in the cafeteria had ended with Derpy falling inside a trash recepticle. Since Sunset was nearest to her at the time-even though she had nothing to do with it-she was _immediately_ besieged by an onslaught of angry glares by those at the tables nearest to her. It didn't take a genius to figure out that everyone was willing to put their reputations on the line if it meant the clumsy girl was left alone.

She didn't understand why at first, but over time it became clearer: even for someone as fixated on her agenda as Sunset was, Derpy was just plain _likeable_ without really trying to be. How she managed that without having her own circle of friends (or at least, none that Sunset was aware of), the exiled Equestrian never knew.

The school's resident disc jockey, Vinyl Scratch (or DJ-P0N3 when on the clock), was also given a wide berth. She spoke very little and very rarely, even when questioned in class by the teachers, so not much was known about her as a person. What _was_ known was that Vinyl was the person you talked to if you needed quality tunes for any reason, and since she was almost always available to run the sound booth at school-sponsored events, she had joined Derpy on a very short "Do Not Bother" list.

...It wasn't because Vinyl had loaded Sunset's first phone with some awesome ringtones (including one that she chose solely for its opening lyric), and those who assumed so very quickly had the rug pulled out from under them. Violently, if need be.

Unlike either of them, though, Puma Claw was under no such protection. With just a few half-witted sentences, he'd managed to drive a wedge between Sunset and Flash Sentry. Sure, she had only been using Flash as a means of increasing her control over the school, but she never did like falling out of any situation she had a vested interest in. It was time for her to run damage control.

An ex-unicorn who had been taught by Princess Celestia herself, estranged though they were, versus a fat fool of a human with no sense of the world around him?

 _No contest._

...

 _Hold that thought. Fall Formal first,_ then _no contest. Of the day's annoyances, these..._


End file.
